"Just not looking at myself in mirror": Uthappa recalls his mental health back in 2011

New Delhi [India], August 21 (ANI): Days after former England cricketer Graham Thorpe's demise, the former Indian cricketer Robin Uthappa opened up on the days when he was battling with depression back in 2011. Thorpe passed away at the age of 55 after suffering from an illness for a long time.

"I recently heard about Graham Thorpe and we have heard about multiple cricketers who have ended their lives because of depression. Even in the past, we have heard of athletes and cricketers who have ended their lives because of clinical depression. I personally have been there as well. I know for a fact that it's not a pretty journey. It's debilitating, it's exhausting and it's heavy. It feels burdening," Uthappa said on his YouTube channel.

The former opener further asserted that during a time of depression, an individual feels like he/she is worthless and also that they are a burden to their loved ones.

"You feel like you are worthless. You feel like you are a burden to the people who you love. You feel like absolutely hopeless. Every step feels heavier and heavier. Every step you take, it feels like more is being added on to you. And just feel immobile. I went through weeks and months and years of just not wanting to get out of the bed," the former right-hand batter added.

In the end, the former batter concluded by recalling the time back during his playing days in 2011 when he was battling with depression.

"I remember in 2011 I went the year so ashamed of who I became as a human being that I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I went all of 2011 just not looking at myself in the mirror. I did avoid any opportunity or even an instance of me looking at myself anywhere. And I know how defeated I felt in those moments. I know how burdensome my existence had become. I know how far away from being purposeful in life," the 38-year-old concluded.

Thorpe made his international debut in 1993 and was the mainstay of the English batting throughout the late 90s and early 2000s. The southpaw played 100 Tests and scored 6744 runs at an average of 44.66, with 16 hundreds and 39 fifties to his name. His highest score was 200*. In ODIs, the gritty batter scored 2380 runs at an average of 37.18 with 21 fifties. He appeared at two ICC Men's Cricket World Cups, scoring 254 runs at the 1996 edition in Sri Lanka and then contributing 125 runs three years later at the event in England, Netherlands, Scotland, Ireland and Wales.

In the ICC batting rankings, Thorpe peaked at No.3 in Tests ahead of England's tour of the West Indies in 1998. His peak in the ODI rankings was No.10, the release added. After retiring from cricket in 2005, Thorpe held coaching positions with New South Wales, Surrey and England Men's side. 

The legendary player was involved with the England setup as a coach for the majority of the 2010s and was part of the coaching hierarchy in the role of batting coach that netted the European side of the 2019 World Cup on home soil in thrilling fashion. Thorpe was recently England's assistant coach up until the 2021/22 Ashes tour of Australia. He was subsequently appointed as Afghanistan's head coach in March 2022, but couldn't take up the position due to his illness. (ANI)